no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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