Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
