What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
