Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
