thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
