yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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