hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
