What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
