Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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