Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
