How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
