don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
