Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
