Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
