I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
