Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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