It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
