I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
