I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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