would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
