$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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