My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
