You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
