I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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