from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
