If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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