So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
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like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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