when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
