She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
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