she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
