Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just googled if crying burns calories
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
