Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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