hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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