k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
