Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
