4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
