I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
