I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
