You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
