I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
