U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
