In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
