Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
