So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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