If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
