Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
