please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
