i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
