I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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