Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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