this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
