dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
