You smell like stripper and shame
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
