How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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