those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
