There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
