Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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