too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
