yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
