i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
