My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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