I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Drake has all the answers
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
