you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
