dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
