I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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