Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
