put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
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So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
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