soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
