Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
