I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
