Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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