double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
