so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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