Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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