The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
