I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
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