she looked like the before picture.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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