saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
