I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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