3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
