If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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