You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
