Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
