Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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